Why Doesn't He Pay More Attention to Me?
In both sexes, masculine energy is a vehicle of focus and accomplishment. This energy eliminates distraction and focuses on what needs to be done.
For instance, when most men watch TV or work on a project, the rest of the world ceases to exist. That includes their intimate relationship. Even if the project is as mundane as waxing a car, masculine energy will focus and shut out the rest of the world.
Masculine energy has the ability to focus. It's a strength, but a strength that can turn to weakness when it's used to avoid an intimate relationship. Feminine energy is quite good at flowing and relaxing. If your feminine energy is at work while waxing the car and your partner wants to talk with you, you can easily shift your attention and focus.
Men often find it very difficult to shift, because they are stuck in their masculine energy. It's not easy for most men to break what they are doing, shift their attention to you and then flow back again. For women who are comfortable with their feminine energy, this ability to shift happens almost automatically. Many women might feel, Why isn't he paying attention to me?, What's his problem? You could take it personally, believing he's choosing to neglect you.
You can't expect a man to get things done and not be focused. For a man to drop this quality he has to move into his feminine energy, where he may lose his focus and fail to get the job done.
Why Does His Work Seem More Important than Me?
When your man is hard at work, it doesn't necessarily mean he's shutting you out. He's not being insensitive, turning away or avoiding participation with you. When he's focused on a project or a task, that becomes the whole world to him.
Men are either in one mode or another. For instance, a man could be having problems with his wife yet still enjoy an outing with his male friends. On a fishing trip a friend could ask, "How are things at home?" He'll say, "Man, it sucks. Wow, look at the size of that fish!"
For most women, or anyone in their feminine energy, the intimate relationship touches their lives no matter what they're doing. It's difficult to drop the relationship, get absorbed in something, enjoy it completely, then go back to the relationship.
A man who temporarily "forgets" his relationship may not be avoiding his feelings. The same thing may happen to you when you are in your masculine energy. When the masculine energy focuses, everything else disappears.
Two of the biggest gifts you bring to your man are your sensitivity and intuition. He can learn a lot from your world that is foreign to his. And you can also learn from him.
Don't disown your feelings. If you really feel it's best for him to be interrupted, then interrupt him. Just remember that you may encounter some initial resentment, because he's stuck in one mode.
Why Isn't He Aware of How He Hurts Me?
When your man gets involved in something and doesn't pay attention to you, it hurts. He probably doesn't feel he's turning away from you. He may not be aware of it at all.
When your man turns away or becomes involved in something else, you could say, "Did you notice that half an hour ago we were making love when the phone rang? Since you hung up you haven't even looked at me." He'll look puzzled, and mumble "Yeah, okay."
You could also say, "I felt a sudden shift in your attention. One moment we were passionate, the next moment nothing. Our hearts were connected, and now they are not." It will seem bizarre to you that he doesn't feel any of this, but he usually doesn't.
When I lead men's groups, we spend a lot of time talking about this. I try to convince the men that women do feel the shifts in a man's attention. The men don't believe it. They'll say, "You're kidding, right?" I'll say, "I'm serious. If you're with a woman and you suddenly turn away and begin to work, she feels it in her body. She feels your attention moving away from her. She feels hurt." The men will usually respond, "How are you supposed to live with that?"
Men often have no idea they've hurt you. When you tell them, it helps if you understand their perspective. Talk to them as if they've fallen asleep and reawakened. So rather than criticize their actions, tell them how it makes you feel. Say, "When you picked up the phone I felt hurt," rather than "Don't pick up the phone when we are together." You can tell them how it makes you feel. Then they can handle it.
But if you expect a man to know they've hurt you, they'll say, "What hurt you?" They don't sense the turning away is as hurtful as it is to you.
Why Is He Afraid to Commit?
The quest for freedom is most important to the masculine energy. That freedom can be financial, professional, artistic or spiritual. The most important priority for the feminine energy is relationship and love. When your man turns away from you, you may instantly feel, "I must be doing something wrong. I must be doing something wrong or he would want to spend more time with me."
Most men, if forced to make a choice between an intimate relationship or their art/profession/spiritual path, will choose the latter. When a woman is in her masculine energy she will make the same choice: freedom over love.
If you are in your feminine, love and an intimate relationship is at the core of your life. But at the core of your man's life is his quest for freedom from constraints. He will do anything to continue on his quest. If he imagines your relationship is going to limit his quest, he will not want to commit. He'll want to keep things open.
When men enter more deeply into a relationship, they feel their attention being more absorbed in love for you. This may scare them. They imagine that their freedom is decreasing, and they react by pulling out, or by refusing to make a commitment to the relationship, especially following an increased period of depth of intimacy.
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Thoughts???
xoxo,
-Allison :)
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